The Land of Crimson Dreams

Geesh, it HAS been a long time since I updated this...

... anyway, good news: I am going to VIGAN! WHOOHOOO!!!

Despite the plates and the up and coming Math exam *ahem*, I decided to still go to my art studies 1 field trip - which is more than I can say for most of my class. There are only 4 of us going, along with students from other classes under our prof. Excuses: exams, org activities, yadda yadda.

Humph.

I mean, so what if it's 3 nights and 2 days long? So what if it takes at least 10 hours to get there and 10 hours back? And so what if the arrival time is like 5 am Monday morning and I have a class at 8 am??!! Sacrifice, people! Where's their sense of adventure???

AH, bahala sila! I'll have fun whether or not they come. I'll MAKE it fun! *hmph!*

I promise I shall write about my adventures when I come back. 'Til then, signing off! :D

Damn, I should’ve written this days ago... and now, the post-fieldtrip excitement kind of wore off. Forgive me if my writing’s a bit out there. ;p The truth is, it’s not really only because of my great procrastinating skills but... hell, do you believe in karma? It’s just that after the uber-great fieldtrip, this week is the total opposite. I’m depressed, damn it!!! The reason is actually a culmination of many little stupid things that just got to me. Grrr... this week totally sucks.

Anyway, reminiscing the fieldtrip might cheer me up, ne?

(”Vigan: a Novel”)

Ah, that's much better. :D Depression lifted, I think I shall go to sleep now. I have a walking tour tomorrow. *sigh*

"And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
- Robert Frost

(list of TTD: eng paper, arstud proj, arch3 and 4 plate, arch 16 paper... HELL! All hail the great procrastinator! *waves hand*)

I sat on the passenger seat feeling quite depressed for some reason when my dad turned on the car cd player. He chose the soundtrack of "My Best Friend's Wedding" and a jazzy, slow tune played, perfect for my mood.

You Don't Know me
by Jann Arden

You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me

No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
Longs to hold you tight
Oh I am just a friend
That's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me

I never knew the art of making love
No my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too

You give your hand to me
And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky gal
Oh you will never know
The one who loves you so
Well you don't know me

You give your hand to me
And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky gal
Oh you will never know
The one who loves you so
Cause you don't know me
Oh no you don't know me
OOhh...you don't know me


*sigh* Kasawian blues....
I love that song. One of those rare non-alternative songs that I like. It reminds me of high school with my sawi classmates.

*sigh*

I'm thinking too much again.

I was watching t.v. (procrastinating as usual) when I began to notice something odd about the seemingly random things that were shown. Most of them are either connected to me in the past or are telling me something. MTV Diyes showed a collection of my favorites including "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon, "Monkeywrench" by Foo Fighters, and "Come On" by Ben Jelen (a hottie who's too perfect that he's not handsome anymore). Then the VJ, who coincidently shares my name but with a different spelling, was listing down the top 10 reasons why one should have a boyfriend. It was all kenkoy and quite hilarious (like having someone to blame or to rant on) but it still kind of bothered me.

Earlier on, I reread a novel that kind of tweaked something in me. Then I saw the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" with Barbra Streisand (did I spell that right?), an old favorite of mine (yes, sappy I know... guilty as charged!). Geesh, it's like the past is coming to haunt me! Reminded me of things and feelings that I thought had stopped existing or did not exist in the first place. Kind of creepy, in a way.

And just now when i went to my block yahoogroup, the first message I saw was something about God. This reminded me of my friend who texts me bible chapters and numbers so I can look them up. Probably thinks that I needed saving from hell or something... but still.

And right now, I can see the full moon outside.

I'm probably giving too much significance to these things but what the heck?! Is the world trying to tell me that I'm totally screwed up these days? I know I don't have a boyfriend, I know I can be heartless, I know that my faith is not as strong as it used to be, and I know I don't look up at the moon that often anymore but the world doesn't have to rub it in!!

I DO know that I'm totally screwed up you know.

I guess I just changed. I'm not the nice, quiet little girl anymore. I'm the desperate college student whose sanity is hanging by a thread. And the sad thing about it is, the contributing factors that led me to my present situation are not even that drastic and disastrous!!! I can understand if something totally earth-shattering happened to me... but no! It's just a culmination of frustrating little things that fried whatever sanity was left in my noggin. It's the small stuff: like not being able to go out with friends or orgmates just because I don't have transpo or I'm not allowed, or like the homeworks and plates that keeps on piling up, or like unwanted attention... PAH! I'm totally going crazy!

Damn, I'm such a whiner.

But do allow me this moment of selfishness. Yes, I am aware of millions of people out there who are less fortunate than me... but sometimes, I do need to rant out my frustrations. Besides, how can I help them if I can't help myself?

ARGH. Brain... will... burst... from... over- psychoanalayzing... self...



I'm sooo confused.

I'm thinking too much again.

"Mr Brightside"
by The Killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his'chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

---- WAAAAAAAAAAH!!! For some reason, this song really hits a chord. The MTV is so great! Gwapo din ng vocalist! :3 And it's so full of emotions, you can really hear it in the way he sings it. *sigh* love it, love it...

---- Watched Pirates of the Carribean. I LOVE YOU JOHNNY DEPP!!!!! I also watched Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I LOVE YOU JUDE LAW!!! (kahit na profile lang pinakita at boses mo lang ang narinig ko... ang gwapo mo pa rin!! :D :D) HAY.

---- I am obviously in squealing, ditzy mode.

---- Am watching Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Errrrmmmm... I love you... uh... huge spider!! Go kill Frodo!! YEAH!!! (Sam and Frodo are SOOOO gay. Heehee)

---- Sanity in shards. Dying, dying...