The Land of Crimson Dreams

crazytesuka

I was freakishly frustrated this past week, demmit.

Some sort of depressing shadow's creeping up on me. I'm counter-productive, I'm a useless thinker, and I'm just so tired all the time for some unknown reason.

I'm fucked up. GAH.

I'm so sorry to all the people I disappointed and annoyed this week. I have no excuse for it. Please believe me when I say that I'm also disappointed and annoyed at myself. It's probably the weather or the Christmas season or maybe even the bloody all-hail-Lord parties every night in our neighborhood; then again, I really can't blame my mood on anyone or anything.

I just need a little fixing. Some refocusing or crap like that. Redirecting my bad chi to avoid bad karma. Haha.

Maybe I just need sleep. Yeah.

crazytesuka

~Just made apple crumble pie. I don't know if it's any good though. They're my Christmas presents to my relatives.

~I'm so BROKE. I don't even have presents for my sisters yet. Oh well... isn't my presence a present? HEHEHE! :D

~Looks like I'm not the only one lacking of cash in this family. Time to tighten our belts, as well as our purses. Not that I spend much in the first place.

~My aunt just arrived from Canada. She used to be my favorite aunt, back in my early years. Now I see the truth: what a freaking prude. She keeps on lecturing us about not drinking and not getting a boyfriend, this being said while mixing Sangrias and showing off her jewelry from her uber ugly Indian fiancee back in Canada. Freaking hypocrite.

~Having pre-Christmas blues. It's just like my pre-birthday blues, only colder and it's somebody else's birthday. Ech.

~I can hear her crying again. At least it's decent this time... it used to sound like she's having an orgasm; you know, that keening, rising sound. I was worried and at the same time disgusted. WHY the hell does she cry like that?! Well as to WHO (because I'm quite sure it's a someone, quite possibly from the opposite sex and from an unknown specie of scum) it is she's crying about, I'd like to strangle IT, if not for hurting my sister's feelings, then for causing her to cry which in turn causing me to be irritated. What a bastard.

~What I really want for Christmas? Motivation. Inspiration. Oh God please.

~I'm so excited to go to Roxas again. No parents during the first two days! And our rather distantly-related cousins are inviting us to a bar opening the same night we arrive. Absolutely awesome. Nothing's going to keep me from going.

~I'm absolutely freezing now. I think I shall go and take a hot shower. *sizzle*