The Land of Crimson Dreams

crazytesuka

COOKIE MONSTER SEARCHES WITHIN HIMSELF AND ASKS: IS ME REALLY MONSTER? by Andy F. Bryan 

Me know. Me have problem.

crazytesuka

oh, the superficial! An update on my list of things I want, I like, I love, I covet:

1. music- new Goo Goo Dolls album, Psapp (Hi), Imogen Heap (Say Good Night and Go, Hide and Seek), Stone Sour (Through Glass), Coheed and Cambria, Dashboard Confessionals

2. books- AYN RAND rules! Must read: The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged.

3. Gummy Bears :3

4. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep.

5. My own laptop. Our computer's having a breakdown and I'm currently using my sister's laptop. I want one too. WiFi, dvd player, and lots of other cool stuff. Alas, 'tis only a dream.

6. New sneakers. My trusty 'ol Bass has holes in it already. It must retire.

7. Lots of anime! Any anime!

8. Ticket to Hongkong. I'm so freaking excited...

9. Movie tickets to the Pirates of the Carribean 2. And Superman. Dammit.

10. New underwear. Hmm.

11. Haircut and hair color. Blue streaks? Green streaks? AGH!

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I'm bored. Isn't that obvious? It's not often that I post two entries in a row (even though one of them is the self-psychoanalysis of a monster who mutilates cookies). Maybe I'll go out tomorrow and watch a movie with him. Hn, it's a nice thought: watching a movie while mother nature lashes out her hatred on Manila. Pretty cool.

Watched Brokeback Mountain for the first time. What can I say? I needed to gather my strength to watch it, after everything that everyone said. And I think it was worth the wait. There are just some movies that aren't meant to be seen with one's parents (especially if your parents are my parents)... and this is definitely one of them. I loved it. Great story, great actors, great setting. Great everything! Way to go Ang Lee. :D Of course, there were scenes where I had to swallow my rather vocal reactions and bite a bit of my pillow; I can only imagine the audience's reaction in a movie house. I'm glad I didn't watch it in the big screen... would've been to much for me.  

Hn. 12:55. This is why I hate sleeping in the afternoons. Can't sleep in the evenings.

Boredom strikes. He doesn't have a landline in the condo. Since when did I enjoy talking on the phone anyway?! Haha.

I hate silent rules. They're worse than spoken or written rules because people are afraid to acknowledge it out loud even though people know it. It's unsure and vague - there's always that certainty that it is true and tested, therefore having no need for it to be spoken or written. Then again, there's also always that chance that it might NOT be true and applicable. It's like... the concept of manners. Well, not really - there's enough of literature about that. Or like HHWWPSSP. And monthsaries. And telebabad sessions. Yep, stuff like these are unspoken rules to follow when one has a relationship. Quite annoying, really, especially when some people aren't exactly into those stuff. Must one do what one must even though that "must" isn't exactly enforced by any one but by the silent society? Can you break a rule even though there really isn't any "rule"?

*sigh* In cases like this, indifference is the answer.

Ah, the blissful storm. Blow all my thoughts away, please.

crazytesuka

Gosh. My brain is a complete mush.

It's like sembreak or something. I know I should be starting (or rather, finishing) my design plate and studying my arch26 but I'm just soooo... lazy. I know that really isn't nothing new (moi? the great procrastinator!) but it's times like these that I really feel how useless I am.

Thing is, although I know that I am useless, I'm still rather indifferent to it. It's rather funny actually. Here's a scenario:

Cheska wakes up at 11 am and realizes that half of her day was wasted on sleep. She sits up, rubs her eyes and thinks, Gee, I feel so useless. After five minutes, we find our heroine asleep yet again.

Sudden realization. An enlightenment of sorts. A veritable knock on the head. But they're just flashes that don't really last, and frankly m'dear, I don't give a damn. Like what Jack Sparrow said, "I like to wave at them as they pass by."

Perhaps it's my twisted way of thinking. I think I've explained it before, why I don't bother to strive for the best most of the time. I just don't see the point of being on top. I mean, why do you want to be the best? So people can praise you and you can feel good about yourself? You can do lots of other things to feel good about yourself, and it's just pathetic to need others just for that purpose. What happens after being the best? What happens after striving for your goal, braving through muck, politics and all the dirty little deeds that comes your way? What happens after the goal?

Nothing. After the goal, you strive to stay on top, kicking away all the others who wants your position. In the process, you become angry, bitter, and most of all, sad. So what's the point then?

It's a pessimistic "philosophy" of sorts but hey, it's so tiresome to be genki all the time. A lot has vehemently disagreed about this way of thinking, but no one has ever successfully convinced me otherwise. If one asks, so why do you even bother doing anything at all? I'd answer, "Just so I won't get bored." I get inspired usually not because of the end result, but because of the process. But it's really rare that I get inspired at all.

Hn.

Was supposed to go on and on about Ayn Rand's philosophy on objectivism but it think it would be too long for this entry. Let's just say that she's the only one who ever came close to convincing me to do my best in everything. Key phrase being: came close to. But what the heck, I'm still open to any ideas.

White California Chablis and dark chocolate. Perfect way to end a meal, trust me.