Entries for September, 2006

September 21st, 2006

SNAP


crazytesuka

God, I can’t take it anymore.

One of these days, I’m just going to snap. SNAP.

 

Methinks my surroundings are reflecting my disturbed countenance. My computer screen is making little odd, jerky movements left and right and the coke bottle that I opened up earlier made a popping noise that doesn’t usually happen.

SNAP.

I feel so goddamned restricted in so many ways.

 

I just want to scream! To run! To BREATHE, dammit!

 

The problem is I can’t really pinpoint the exact reason why I’m feeling this. Acads? Family? Relationship? Extracurriculars? All of the above?

 

PUTANGINAPAKSHIT!!!!!!!!!

 

Hahaha. I wish I were hysterical.

 

I sometimes wonder, what if I just stop going to school? Just stop. Refuse to go even if my parents throw me out. Heck, I’d prefer it if they throw me out. I’d somehow get my own place, get a job, get out to the real world. Tear up to pieces the security blanket stained with piss, shit, sweat and saliva that I’ve been wrapped up in since I was a baby. Just GO! Face the goddamn world with my middle finger aimed up high. Damn them all.

 

I want to know me. I want to know if I am made of sterner stuff than this. I’m too impatient to wait... I’m worried that after my education, job and other obligations that I have to fulfill, it might be too late. Life is short. Carpe diem!!!

 

I just want to get out. I am suffocating. I can’t breathe. I can’t move.

 

My head is spinning.

 

I don’t care if I just become a bartender. I don’t care if I just become a vendor in some remote province in Mindanao. I want to leave. I want to live. I want to breathe.

 

I don’t want to fetch my sister from school. I don’t want to go out with my friends. I don’t want to study for any exam or do any fucking plate. I want to be alone! I want to be selfish! I don’t want to think about other people! I want to be an island!

 

It’s funny really. Man/ woman is a social animal. “No man is an island.” But in my case, in this state of (in)sanity, I want to be ALONE. Alone in a crowd. Alone at work. Alone in a store. ALONE.

 

Really. One of these days I’m just going to SNAP, just like that.

*SNAP*

Currently reading: arch 26 notes
Currently feeling: infuriated, frustrated
Posted by crazytesuka at 12:34 PM | 9 WHOOOO!

September 23rd, 2006

In Medias Res


crazytesuka

What is the Middle Child Syndrome?

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.

 

Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest. Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. If forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative. Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

source: http://wvwv.essortment.com/whatismiddlec_rsoe.htm

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MIDDLES - The diplomats

Middle children tend to be flexible, diplomatic peacemakers.

Having been pushed around by their eldest sibling and having their patience stretched by the youngest, they gather skills of diplomacy and assertiveness.

"They are the social glue which holds groups together," says Mr Grose.

"Like anyone who's stuck in the middle, they learn to compromise and to get on with people."

But often they get left out. Not the eldest and not the baby, a middle child can go either way: some become more difficult, others more resilient.

However, the "difficult middle child" syndrome (think Jan from The Brady Bunch) might be a myth. <-- PAKSHIT

"I'm not sure that it's always true, but middles can be the ones who have more difficult lives," says Mr Grose. "Sometimes they can get lost in the middle somewhere."

Frequently the first in the family to head off overseas or leave home, middles tend not to have the same strong ties with their parents as perhaps their siblings, he adds.

But they usually "develop good people skills, expect a little bit less of life and are more likely to go with the flow."

source: http://www.askted.com.au/askted/displayContent?content=You_must_be_the_eldest!.xml&path=/WebSite/AskTedArticles/FamilyLife/

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HM.

Anybody got a penny?

Currently feeling: in the middle of things
Posted by crazytesuka at 02:55 PM | 5 WHOOOO!
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